50 Marriage Decision Questions

He/she and his/her used alternately for smoother reading...

Before deciding to marry someone, pause and answer these questions to yourself, or together with your potential spouse, or another unbiased person:

1. What are my major reasons for wanting to marry him?
2. Why do I think I will have a good marriage if I marry her?
3. What are my major expectations of him after marriage?
4. Is she aware of my expectations?
5. Does he agree that my expectations are reasonable?
6. How does my potential spouse view my role in our marriage?
7. What are her goals and aspirations?
8. What are his main strengths?
9. What are her main weaknesses?
10. What do I like about him?
11. What do I not like about her?
12. In what ways are we similar?
13. In what ways are we different?
14. What difficulties might our differences cause?
15. In what ways are our differences potentially beneficial?
16. What has been my "ideal picture" of my future spouse?
17. In what ways is he similar to my "ideal"?
18. In what ways is she different to my "ideal"?
19. What positive traits (like kindness, responsibility, sensitivity, flexibility) do I consider of utmost importance in the person I marry?
20. In what ways does he have those positive traits?
21. How can I verify if she has the positive traits I think are there?
22. Am I wishfully thinking he has them?
23. What distortions of infatuation might be present here?
24. In what ways is she missing important-to-me positive traits?
25. What negative traits (like angry, cold, critical, insensitive, irritable, lazy) do I not want in the person I marry?
26. In what ways does he have these negative traits?
27. What negative behaviours and traits of mine is she not aware of yet?
28. What will be his likely reaction when he finds out about my negatives?
29. Does she see, and accept, the real me?
30. Am I willing to ask him to write a two-page summary of how he views me to see if he has evaluated me accurately?
31. Am I hoping she will change in important areas after we are married?
32. On what am I basing my hopes of any of his change?
33. If she does not change (as is frequently the case) will I regret my decision to marry her?
34. How can I tell if my picture of him is basically accurate, or an illusion?
35. What reliable and unbiased people have I consulted about her?
36. What things of little importance to some of those consulted-others do I consider of major importance to me?
37. Is he easy or difficult for me to get along with?
38. Do other people find her easy or difficult to get along with?
39. In what ways do we think alike?
40. In what ways do we think differently?
41. In what ways are our family backgrounds similar?
42. In what ways are our family backgrounds different?
43. What faults and weaknesses in me might be at the root of my wanting to marry this person?
44. Do I have any deep feelings that I am likely to be making a mistake if I marry him?
45. Are there any external pressures that are influencing my decision to marry/not marry her?
46. Would I marry/not marry him without those pressures present?
47. What conflicts of interest will we have if I marry her?
48. In what ways does he bring out my virtues and strengths?
49. In what ways does she bring out my weaknesses and faults?
50. What important pieces of information do I still not know about him?

- given to me by Mandy Powrie (alt)